this note was on Facebook and I had completely forgotten about it. to my mortification, my boss found it. fortunately for me, she isn't crazy and judgemental, but I'm taking it off and putting it here anyway.
ps: more fiction coming soon!
I was tagged in notes by Nrithya Randhir, Shibi RaviChandran, Sagarika Sundaram so on and so forth. So now I'm contributing my own list in return.
This is how it works: Once you've been tagged, you are supposed to write a note with 25 random things, facts, habits, or goals about you. At the end, choose 25 people to be tagged. You have to tag the person / people who tagged you. If you’re tagged, it's because the person who tagged you wants to know more about you.
1. I loathe forwards but I’m bored now and am hoping that writing this will inspire me to write some more later.
2. I’m mad about my dog. I think I’ll go crazy if I have to live away from her.
3. My job seems “cool” to a lot of people but I’m wondering if it’s right for me. Some day I want to quit, go and do a really “cool” course in creative writing, become a writer and learn some more Odissi.
4. Though I will be travelling during elections I’m going to do my best to go to Chennai on voting day and cast my vote. This will be the first time I’m voting. I can’t wait.
5. I miss my days in school (Rishi Valley) and college (Stella Maris) sometimes. I had pretty eccentric friends. We’re still all friends, but many are far away.
6. In college, I began noting down random mad stuff my friends would say in the middle of conversations.
Eg. Madhu: I think your skirt is staring back at me.
Sharada Banu (SMC lecturer): the tiger is going to make food for everybody.
One day I’d like to make a play featuring all these sentences. I stopped writing down stuff after I left college because I had no more mad friends around me :(
7. No, I don’t hate men. I’m just cynical about them. And no I’m not an ice queen. I know my friends are waiting for the day when I finally start dating and fall in love with someone. It’ll happen. I just don’t know when.
8. I love dogs and other animals. I feel awful when I see starved bulls pulling carts in pouring rain and blazing heat or horses pulling carriages. I feel worse when I see dogs which have just had puppies, scrounging around for a morsel to eat so they can in turn feed their pups. I feel worst when I see puppies hunting for food because their mother has disappeared or been run over by a car.
9. I’m trying to smile more and become more outgoing after seeing how surly I look on camera and during my live chats. It’s not easy… And because I wear no makeup either I look worse!
10. I love black ink, especially in fountain pens. I’ve lost countless Parker pens though so I’m sticking to cheap black ballpoints or micro-tips now.
11. I’m a Gemini. So is my sister. If you’ve met us you’ll never believe we’re related but we’re the perfect example of how extremely opposite Geminis can be.
12. I’ve seen many women in my field flirt (or do other things) with men to get their way at work. I don’t think I can ever do that. I don’t know how to. I think my current boss hates me because I only sms him when necessary and try to avoid calling him.
13. I think A R Rahman is a genius. Also because he’s still so humble and would rather talk about awards for disabled children than the BAFTAs.
14. I also think great poets are geniuses. Poetry confounds me. I can only write rhyming crap. No, not even the Roger McGough, Roald Dahl type. Sigh.
15. I wish my maternal grandparents had lived longer. I think our lives would be completely different if they were around.
16. The person who first helped me discover I could write is a poet himself. He was my class teacher in Rishi Valley and my first mentor. He wrote a beautiful poem for our class called The Moon is Down. After a play we performed of the same name.
17. I have extremely curly hair and though I dream of having straight hair I will never straighten it. It’s extremely difficult to look after but it’s who I am. Messy and unmanageable
18. I lived in Bangalore for a while and apart from Noon Wines I don’t see what’s so great about the city. Okay and maybe the weather too.
19. I can’t wear heels. They look nice on feet but it hurts too much and I can’t walk in them.
20. I invent words. And to say I love it is an understatement. If you know me well enough you’ll know what I’m talking about :)
21. I want to dedicate my first book to my mother. Even if it’s a joint work with someone else I hope my writing partner allows me to do so.
22. I want to join a writer’s forum in the city. There are none though. None I’ve heard of which function like some other creative groups I know.
23. I do not smoke and hate the smell of cigarettes. Unfortunately many of my friends smoke so I end up reeking of the stuff when I meet them.
24. I can hold a grudge forever. It’s one of the worst things about me.
25. I don’t know how to end this so maybe I’ll put a longer list up on my blog. If you want the link please ask. I'd love any feedback on other stuff too.
Sunday, 16 January 2011
Tuesday, 11 January 2011
jump to the future
Dear 14-year-old me,
This is your future self speaking. With auto-correct of course, otherwise everything would be lower-case. You may not believe where you could get, nine years from where you are right now. But let me assure you, things will get much better. And much worse. But you’ll survive through it all. You’re a pretty tough kid; don’t let anyone get you down.
To help you out, here are some things I’ve learnt over the last nine years.
1. Change is good. No matter how much we hate it (we really do!), it ends up taking us to fascinating new places where we have to rough it out, but remember it forever. In a good way and a bad way.
2. You can trust boys. They’re not all bad. They’re just really different from us. You’ll see. Don’t write them all off as soon as you meet them. But don’t hero-worship the ones that impress you either. Those charming ones are actually the ones you should be wary of. Very wary of.
3. You actually love your sister. Yeah, we’re very different, but there will come a day pretty soon when you discover that she has issues and deals with them very differently from we do. And you’ll love her for it. And for all the designer hand-me-downs :)
4. You like writing. It’s something you’ll be surprised to discover, but it may end up defining who you are. Not may, it probably will.
5. You’ll lose a heck of a lot of weight. Stop worrying so much about your appearance. You’re a sweet kid. You’ll probably get a lot less sweet as you age. Sigh.
6. You need to stop dreaming so much. It’s a waste of time and dreams rarely come true. Those type of fantastical shit dreams anyway. Get realistic and be more proactive. Other people can’t make your dreams come true for you. You have to do it all on your own.
7. Heads up. Don’t bother joining television journalism. It’s horrendous. You’ll also discover you have a passion for animals and don’t know what to do with the two things you love – writing and animals. Do some research. Find out what your options are.
8. The next two-and-a-half years of your life are going to ROCK. Yes, you’ll miss Ma like crazy, but trust me, that new school is going to be awesome. And you’ll meet some of your future best friends and rock support systems there. So stop crying and just sit back, relax, and have a blast. They’ll be the best childhood years of your life. (hopefully not *the* best ever. I’m hoping post 23 we’ll also see some good times :P sigh)
9. Erm so we have a problem with men. We like the messed up ones. There’s no point in me warning you, given how stubborn we are, but please try to be careful. In fact, why don’t you try changing the trend and picking one of those many “sweet, nice” boys who will hit on you after you join college. Yes, the nerdy ones. They really are sweet. There will probably come a time when we’ll wonder, “what if…. I had picked one of them?” Go for it! The bad ones… well, they’re bad. It comes to a point where you will discover even the seemingly “good” one we liked is messed up. Sheesh. I know, right!
10. Do you know what a defense mechanism is? Well we’ve got a pretty strange set of those mechanisms you haven’t discovered yet – sarcasm, silence, a lot of rules, arrogance and whatnot. But strangely, there will come one or two people whom you feel good about and just allow into your life. Not a very good decision, but you’ll learn a hell of a lot from it. And you’ll survive.
Time to bid goodbye. One may say “be good”, if they were a parent. But I’d really rather we weren’t *so* good. It’s really okay to be bad once in a while. So relax, kid. Have some fun :) enjoy the ride.
love,
your 23-year-old self
This is your future self speaking. With auto-correct of course, otherwise everything would be lower-case. You may not believe where you could get, nine years from where you are right now. But let me assure you, things will get much better. And much worse. But you’ll survive through it all. You’re a pretty tough kid; don’t let anyone get you down.
To help you out, here are some things I’ve learnt over the last nine years.
1. Change is good. No matter how much we hate it (we really do!), it ends up taking us to fascinating new places where we have to rough it out, but remember it forever. In a good way and a bad way.
2. You can trust boys. They’re not all bad. They’re just really different from us. You’ll see. Don’t write them all off as soon as you meet them. But don’t hero-worship the ones that impress you either. Those charming ones are actually the ones you should be wary of. Very wary of.
3. You actually love your sister. Yeah, we’re very different, but there will come a day pretty soon when you discover that she has issues and deals with them very differently from we do. And you’ll love her for it. And for all the designer hand-me-downs :)
4. You like writing. It’s something you’ll be surprised to discover, but it may end up defining who you are. Not may, it probably will.
5. You’ll lose a heck of a lot of weight. Stop worrying so much about your appearance. You’re a sweet kid. You’ll probably get a lot less sweet as you age. Sigh.
6. You need to stop dreaming so much. It’s a waste of time and dreams rarely come true. Those type of fantastical shit dreams anyway. Get realistic and be more proactive. Other people can’t make your dreams come true for you. You have to do it all on your own.
7. Heads up. Don’t bother joining television journalism. It’s horrendous. You’ll also discover you have a passion for animals and don’t know what to do with the two things you love – writing and animals. Do some research. Find out what your options are.
8. The next two-and-a-half years of your life are going to ROCK. Yes, you’ll miss Ma like crazy, but trust me, that new school is going to be awesome. And you’ll meet some of your future best friends and rock support systems there. So stop crying and just sit back, relax, and have a blast. They’ll be the best childhood years of your life. (hopefully not *the* best ever. I’m hoping post 23 we’ll also see some good times :P sigh)
9. Erm so we have a problem with men. We like the messed up ones. There’s no point in me warning you, given how stubborn we are, but please try to be careful. In fact, why don’t you try changing the trend and picking one of those many “sweet, nice” boys who will hit on you after you join college. Yes, the nerdy ones. They really are sweet. There will probably come a time when we’ll wonder, “what if…. I had picked one of them?” Go for it! The bad ones… well, they’re bad. It comes to a point where you will discover even the seemingly “good” one we liked is messed up. Sheesh. I know, right!
10. Do you know what a defense mechanism is? Well we’ve got a pretty strange set of those mechanisms you haven’t discovered yet – sarcasm, silence, a lot of rules, arrogance and whatnot. But strangely, there will come one or two people whom you feel good about and just allow into your life. Not a very good decision, but you’ll learn a hell of a lot from it. And you’ll survive.
Time to bid goodbye. One may say “be good”, if they were a parent. But I’d really rather we weren’t *so* good. It’s really okay to be bad once in a while. So relax, kid. Have some fun :) enjoy the ride.
love,
your 23-year-old self
Friday, 31 December 2010
mercenary winters
winter in Delhi was almost too much to handle. I only survived because I knew I would be leaving. Chennai has spoilt me, kept my body and heart warm too long. maybe a few years in a mercenary place like Delhi would do me good.
I end this year determined for a big change this coming year. my hometown is warm, but it's also comparatively sedentary, not big on change. I could live here forever, work at the same place forever, have the same routines till I die. I don't intend to. I'll come back, obviously. it *is* home, after all. well, I intend to at least. but it's time for a break, some mercenary cold, and a big change in routine. I deserve it for slacking off so much in the last year or two.
here's to change! *clinks beer mug/whiskey glass*
Sunday, 26 December 2010
the end
it's the end of another year and I find I haven't learn a lot of new things. especially with regard to human beings. they baffle me. truly. especially boys. I'm pretty sure they can't wrap their brain cells around us women either, but hell, why create heterosexuals then?!? I honestly think life would be so much simpler if I could just marry/hook up with one of my female best friends. meh.
but. bright side of the coin. I just returned from holiday, a good holiday despite the strange behaviour of the opposite sex [well, not all of them, poor things.. just the one] and hope I'm ready to tackle a new year. there's so much to be done, I was afraid just listing them out while I was on holiday. but I have to do it all, no compromises. well, maybe a few compromises on what *other* people want me to do.
hopefully, next year this time, I will be freezing my rear end off in a far colder place where I will be studying. the good thing in those places [no, not hot firang men] is CENTRAL HEATING. a concept which is alien even in our country's capital maybe. but yes, central heating coupled with a delicious firang men would not be bad either. though I'm not crossing my fingers or holding my breath given my history with men till date. confounding, they are.
this year has been ordinary and boring only because I made it that way. I should have written more. in every way. creatively, at work, to people, for people, for myself more than anything else. maybe I should resolve to write more this coming year. 2011. the year of the pen. or keyboard in most cases. and hopefully, not the year of the wedding. although it certainly already looks that way. four of my friends are getting married by the time I turn a resounding 24 [ouch].
here's to me writing more, being a little less confounded by some men [boys, really], for my family to be happy [considering the emotional tsunamis there seem to have been in the last year or so], and for my friends and I to figure out what we're looking for, and to try and find it as well.
oh yes. that was another discovery I made while travelling. I don't know if I want to be a journalist anymore. thanks Niira Radia and co for disillusioning me even further. I also met a very inspiring man this year. the fact that I considered a profession in saving the environment has nothing to do with the fact that he's hot [he's not, really] but just that he's so damn inspiring and hell bent on saving it that he puts people to shame. and by people, I mean the rest of humanity, aside from the Jane Goodall sort.
so if journalism is out and writing and the environment is in, how the hell do I go about it?
wow. who cares about confounding men now! :D
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