A maddening day

What do you do when you’re infuriated,
So infuriated you can’t hear yourself think.
When you have so many thoughts in your head,
You can’t find the adjective to describe yourself.
‘‘How was your day?’’
Okay.
Things are always ‘‘okay’’.
But then who asks about your day, pray tell.

What do you do when you realise you made a mistake,
Something which will change your life forever.
When you realise the other person was right, and just out to help you.
Do you push them away and keep lying to yourself?
Or do you right the wrong.
Well, the answer my friend is blowing in the wind.
It’s rather obvious.
‘‘Should is a good word,’’ said a very wise friend of mine.
But humans never do as they should.

‘‘Stop lying to yourself,’’ I told someone a long time ago.
Someone who used to be my friend. She didn’t stop.
‘‘You think too much.’’ Well, yes I do. But who else can I talk to but myself.

I want to be the fish swimming in the pond.
The fish I see twice a day, the fish who relaxes me
When I’m just having the worst day.
Money is over-rated.
Or maybe I just don’t have enough.
I’d rather be the penniless fish.
Living amidst the lotuses and algae.
With no predators around and plenty of food to eat.

I’m a predator. Sometimes.
I’m also the victim.
Does he realise that? Ah no.
Fang’s bark is worse than her bite.
I’m not lying anymore. It’s all very clear.
Crystal.
Clear what should be done.
Done a long time ago.
When she did the same thing.
Follow in her footsteps.
But no. When that part of her life died, she gave it to me.
I’m not strong enough to give away what I inherited.
But I have to learn.

Time is slipping away.
How much longer am I going to take?

What do you do when you have so many thoughts in your head,
You can’t hear yourself think straight.
What do you do when you’re so infuriated with yourself,
You have nobody but yourself to blame.

Stop pushing them away,
They’re only trying to help.
Snort.
Or maybe not.

What do you do when you don’t have time to find a new life?
A life you dream about.
It’s simple, really.
But the simplest things are the hardest to achieve.

Grey’s Anatomy. Strawberries with sugar.
Feeding Tommy.
Clean feet and a warm cup of coffee.
An ink pen with black ink and a sharpened pencil.
Washed hair.
Driving with only music as my companion.
Talking to Priya after weeks.
Getting to go for a show or read a book for free.
Making my mother happy.
Sanjana’s 17 different ways of giggling.
An uncomplicated bear hug.
Simplicity.
Simple joy.

It’s time for me to get my act together.
‘‘I think you deserve more.’’
Don’t we all.