chronicles of the absurd

Isn’t it absurd how you can suddenly see old friends in a new light? It’s a class A cliché, I know. But this morning when I met Manu, I thought… why not him? I mean, he has had the hugest crush on me ever since we met. Everytime he comes to town he wants to see me, he’s always saying how nice I look. And look at Zayed. Four years later, I’m wondering what the hell I’ve been doing with him. I think I only remember being happy in the first year.

Isn’t it absurd how I can continue to think these things, but still remain with Zayed. What is it with bad boys? Is there something about the XX chromosome which is drawn only to philanderers and lying nicotine addicts?

And isn’t it absurd how no matter how well you know someone, an outsider ends up having more insight into said person than you do? I never realised Zayed had serious psychological problems till a friend of mine suggested it to me.

It’s even more absurd how people in his life, from his wife to his kids, have never noticed it either. I was wondering whether I should tell my mother about it. But of course, that’s an option only if I want to be branded insane myself. She would ask why, why I thought my father had “psychological problems”. And what could I say. Because he’s screwing his 20-year-old stepdaughter? Mentally and physically? Nope. Definitely not an option. Could I tell him about it? Probably not. Although, perhaps I could blackmail him into seeing a psychiatrist. No more making out or fondling or sex till Zayed visited Dr Nair.

Isn’t it absurd how we always, always hope for the best, though we are too weak to fight the atrocities of life? It really is. It’s ridiculous how I dream of a normal life, but still melt everytime he touches me. It’s silly how the whole world thinks I’m a sensible girl, but every few nights I let my step father do unmentionable things to me. And it is completely absurd how in love he is with my mother, and how she has never noticed anything out of the ordinary.

Life is just plain absurd. Sometimes it’s comic, but most times it’s just terribly tragic for me. I wonder if Manu would want to be with me if he knew just how tragically absurd my life was.

No. I don’t think so either.