Wednesday 20 April 2011

(anti) love

I am reading a book called Into The Wild now. And it is very inspiring. And impractical. I don’t see myself giving up everything, burning my money, and living among the trees. Yet, I somehow come across as [and enjoy coming across as] a nature lover, animal lover, whatnot. Slightly hypocritical no?

I wish I had the balls to do something like Chris McCandless. bluepapercranes and I were discussing this yesterday, and [literally and figuratively] we really don’t have the balls. She took a jump into a field that she loves - teaching kids for almost no money - which does not involve hours bent over a computer, her eyes tearing up, head throbbing, back withering. Now she wanders around barefoot in classrooms, giggling, hiding her tattoo from the kids, singing songs and teaching them grammar.

Love is a bit strange. It involves so much courage. Something I don’t think I have anymore. I had it once, not-so-long ago... but now I’m bitter and cynical almost to the very core of my being. I’m not saying I don’t love. Fortunately or unfortunately, I do. And very passionately at that. But I just don’t have the courage to believe in such love anymore.

I love writing. But I won’t give up my paid job at what is now a sad excuse for a weekend newspaper, and I won’t just plunge into it. And I’m not taking any chances with my life. I don’t think I have the balls.

Robert Lee Brewer said to write either a love poem or an anti love poem yesterday. I’m not in the mood for whiney poetry anymore [see below; also bluepapercranes may just kill me], but Brewer’s prompts do tend to bring out some writing from me. I just don’t know which side I am on this post - love, or anti love. I guess both. I believe in it, but it hurts too much to take chances anymore. [please don’t ask me if I’m talking about a boy!] I’m just going to go with the flow, and see what happens :)

4 comments:

Shruthi said...

In very few instances, taking that flying leap, is a luxury they can afford. For the rest of us, we'll just have to settle for being their audiences no?

deep said...

It's courage or no courage any day. No grey area. I'd also say, go with the flow is good enough.

bluepapercranes said...

i agree with dheepika, there are no grey areas. we set our own limits and whether or not we test them is wholly up to us.

as for love, truly understanding it is beyond normal human comprehension, i think. our ability to love is immense - our family (human and canine), romantic love, friends, interests, jobs and even places can sustain the soul for eternity. it is hard to keep everything in balance which is why we spend our lives striving for that harmony. so yes, going with the flow is wise.

love. :)

Anonymous said...

I don't know why but I have never been able to like this guy - The guy who left civilization behind. So I don't get it :( I love my clothes and bangles and shoes and whatnot!

Do I wish I had the courage? Yes.
But would I ever do it? No.